Body dissatisfaction is common. Susie Orbach, author of Bodies, writes that eating problems and body distress constitute an ordinary part of everyday life for many people and many families (Orbach, 2019, p. 13). When we are first encountered, we are often seen and experienced through the body we inhabit. Whatever the size, shape or appearance of our body, we are inevitably experienced by others through how we look on the outside. Reflecting on the current environment in which we live, society communicates clear views about what it considers acceptable in terms of the body. We live in a society where people are criticised and judged for living in, for example, a larger body, a smaller body or a less-than-perfect body. Social media tells us time and time again that thin is beautiful and thin is acceptable. Perfection is important. Society suggests that we need to be a particular shape and size to be accepted.
It is a natural human need to receive recognition and, in transactional analysis, strokes—such as visual recognition and comfort from others about our bodies. Strokes are forms of recognition or acknowledgement received from others (Berne, 1964). Yet, when strokes of this nature are received, they can be conditional and dependent on how we are seen visually and on the shape, size and appearance of our bodies. When negative strokes are received, they can cause deep pain and shame. Why is it that others think it is okay to comment on someone else’s body, pass judgement on someone else, or hold a view on the body of another? So much stigma, shame and prejudice are wrapped up in how the body is portrayed. It is important to remember how our words, and the way we say them, may be experienced. A comment can feel shaming for the person on the receiving end, even when it is intended to be positive.
When celebrities are shown as thin and portrayed as struggling with eating disorders, this can affect people in different ways: it may provoke, trigger or reinforce unhealthy eating patterns for some people, including someone recovering from anorexia or bulimia. When a celebrity is seen to have struggles with their weight and body, this can result in shame when a person compares their own body to that of the celebrity. At the same time, when a celebrity shares their own eating distress, this can be validating for others who are not able to speak out or find words for and share their experiences.
Shame can arise when comparisons are made between one person and another in relationship. This can happen in any relationship between people, however they relate, and it can also happen when someone engages with social media. In this instance, social media can become another source of comparison. Social media encourages comparisons; it can evoke criticism and communicate opinion. A person may wonder how one body compares to another—for example, whether it is bigger, smaller, better, more beautiful, fitter, more attractive, feminine, masculine or appealing. In this context, social media can become a means of comparison and a vehicle for experiencing shame. If someone is already dissatisfied with their body, comparison can evoke silent pain and shame and reinforce that existing dissatisfaction.
Sensitivity is what we say is key. Any comment, however well-intended, can be experienced as shaming for someone, because what may be experienced as a microaggression and evoke shame is unique to each person.
References
Berne, E. (1964) Games People Play. Grove Press, New York.
Orbach, S. (2019) Bodies. Profile Books, London.
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